Be a Detective
I’m a liar. Not to friends and family, but I lie to myself. We all have done it. It’s the power and beauty of denial. The best part about it is we aren’t even aware of it. And when one is engaged in the act of personal development it will happen. You will be thrown off track by a faulty lead. Perhaps even more then just one.
Denial is a great tool to be able to live day-by-day. It’s all part of the survivor instincts. Why wallow on something or some part of you when you are being chased or when you should be hunting to feed your family. It’s counter productive. But then again their are times when you should confront it, because the issue in itself is causing counter productivity.
Denial is like a criminal. Some disguise themselves in suites and smiles. Others tend to be more vicious and seedy. Yours is just as diverse. Memories are altered for protection; false observations are made to make you feel better. So to cut through all of this, we need to treat ourselves like a cop would treat a suspect. The law is blind. It uses fact, and so should you. If your answers are arbitrary or vague, come up with proof. In business they have a 360 survey. They ask direct reports, peers and leaders about one person, you. And somewhere in the middle of all the questions, the truth is born. For you, create a case file. My own personal case file is becoming more like a mystery everyday. There are new suspects popping up, key suspects are changing and new plot lines being discovered all the time. I’ve even been the key suspect several times.
Some of you feel that you are like Shaft ,Columbo or Kojak and are the lone detective cracking the case. But for some, the lone wolf path isn’t right. Don’t be afraid to find a partner; don’t be afraid to admit, “I can’t do this alone”. After all, when you are one of the suspects, how could you trust all of your own answers?
My one bit of advise is to find someone neutral. We would all like to have our family and loved ones be our partner. But sometimes, through their best interest and projections, they throw in some curve balls themselves. This is why counselors and coaches exists. These are people who care about your well being, but understand the fine line. They are professional detectives.
Regardless of how you decide to handle your own denial, keep in mind it’s there. Although my analogy could help look at it more objectively, don’t beat yourself up. There is no need to lock yourself in an interrogation room. The act of questioning is enough. The act of realizing that you can lie will open up a new possibility in finding out who you really are. The act of asking the tough questions is all it takes to unlock your own mystery.