Today was a big day for me. I found out that I was a ritalin kid ( I guess this ties into my recent post declaring myself as a generalist). I knew that I was hyperactive but the thought of actually being diagnosed, that adds an interesting realm to the whole thing. Now a days the definition has changed to ADHD, but it’s all the same.
This is having a funny impact, one that I didn’t expect. It’s the idea of a label. What I have, the problems I’ve faced my entire life now has a label. That seems to have a profound relation to how you handle it. What once I thought was unique about me, by definition, is now considered a disorder - something unwanted, something to remove. I was fighting my own mind. Half of me was agreeing with the term but the other half was yelling, “don’t get rid of it”. Today I found myself driving around town trying to deal with this new found memory. My thoughts drifting as I like to let them; flashes of me wondering. What would it be like to focus for longer then 20 minutes on something? How much more could I accomplish without this? I could actually finish something for once in my life. I found that I was starting to bucket my memories and put “blame” for things. Oh, I did that because I was ADHD. A “regular” person wouldn’t have done that…it must have been because the ADHD.
But I don’t like labels. And this is a prime example for it. It makes excuses. “Oh I can’t finish __ because I’m ADHD”. That’s a bunch of crap! I shook my head around a little and the other half kicks in and reminds me, what would my life have been without it? I wouldn’t be me, that’s for sure. And then I started to think about it more. You know, It’s something that allows me to adapt quicker then others. Because of it, I’m hard wired to deal with several things at once. I’m designed to multi-task. I can use my whirlwind mind can create patterns in a moment where others need time. I can split out possibility after possibility without a second thought. All I need to do is allow my mind to ramble. My disorder is not a disorder at all but a blessing. It makes me, me.
And so, at the end of the day, I wonder, How big was it? Oh it was a big day, but will I change because of it? No way!