Month: May 2005

Well today ends the first day back in the company I left so long ago, actually only 6 months. Getting the phone set up, email working, applications installed, making the imprint into the chair, cleaning the desk, that was pretty much the day. I did some signing of some documents and some going around to say “hello”. SuperPages has gone through some changes, but I think in a whole I’ll get back in the groove as usual, after all it was my groove for 5 years previous.

It was definitely a surreal feeling. It felt familiar like going to the town you grew up in. But at the same time, it was a new town. I guess the best kind of analogy might be, your home town has changed it’s name. Or maybe your home town community used to be a lot of 20 somethings who’ve know grown up to 30 somethings and the feeling isn’t the same. Maybe the local night club has been torn down. Maybe since they closed the university, it just doesn’t feel the same. Regardless, it’s an odd feeling that you only need to go through yourself to really understand.

A sense of security even if falsely placed can open up some new drives and passions. It’s funny how with the past month, tension and stress has been building to the point of paralysis. I’m sure in our lives we’ve all felt it. I’m also sure it won’t be the last. It’s that point where stress builds to the point where a little snap goes off in your head. And instead of allowing your primal instincts of survival kick in, it becomes an, “oh well, time to die”. You give up. Rather then do what you should, you sit back and wait for the inevitable blow of death to strike you. Why should you be in full panic when it ends, why not be in a state of calm bliss?

Well, I’m hoping that today is my end of that. I know have a false sense of security. I know that I’ll get money. I know that I’ll have benefits. I know that things are turning around and will be alright.

I’m all wrapped and consumed in my own little world. It’s funny how when you have no money how blinders on thought easily pop up. It’s tunnel vision for your life. It’s a good task to keep up the journaling and blogging, because it allows me the weekly pleasure of getting things down and out into the world. It’s a small moment where I take them off and say…oh, that’s what that is. Or, hey, that was pretty cool.

For example this past week I’ve been on a mission. I’ve probably been on a hap hazard one, but nonetheless, I need a job. And so, I’ve been going about town, dropping off resumes, getting hooked up with temp services, going for job interviews. I’ve been doing everything. As the week progresses, you just think, hey, I’m not getting anything out of this, but when you least expect it, or when I take the blinders off, I really realize what I’ve done.

This week I created a new and improved www.creativetoolbox.ca. Me, Willy and Trish have been working really hard to get this site out the door and done. I’ve upgraded it so that they can make content alterations themselves. It’s a nice piece of work, if I do say so myself. We only did it and about a week. Wow, about a week for a site. That’s pretty intense, if I do say so myself. Plus I have a few temp contracts along the way. And just today I heard back from Starbucks and I could have a job. So when I sit back and look at the past week, I say wow…

It’s nice to really look at the things I done and say “I rule!” And only by taking that moment to step back can I do that.