Author: Nick Kempinski

I don’t get tongue tied. I get tongue tired. A case of the Silence. Today is one of those “nothing to say” days. Sometimes they are great for reflection, or great just to take a break. But sometimes it’s more unconscious censorship. This way, me and myself don’t have to fight over why I’m being quiet. Considering this project is supposed to help me uncover, rather than shutting up – I’m gonna take some time and power through. Come up with something – and chances are, it will be pretty close to the mark.

Here are just a few reasons I think I might sensor myself and not know why:

Depression

I get these bouts. And saying them out loud is helpful – I’ve heard. Although I still have a lot of trouble with the concept. Who wants to hear about sadness online? It’s like this social media leprosy. So when sad, my writing goes personal – offline; hidden.

Possible solution: Focus on why. Perhaps there’s a topic I can talk about? i.e. “Yesterday I read an article about the 4 things that keep employees loyal, and I have none of them. That fucking sucks”

Anger

Anger has always been a challenge of mine. You see, I have a conflict aversion. To get up in anyones grill and call them a fucking ass, either directly to their faces, or indirectly, where they could tie the words “fucking” and “ass” back to me, scares the crap out of me.

Possible solution: Find someone else who has the guts. Google is a great tool, for example, you could search for “The common courtesy of saying hello and goodbye in a video conference” and see what articles come up. Here’s another search, “what do I do if I hate my boss’s decision?”. ( hmmm – perhaps another is clouding it with backhanded sarcasm like I just did. The classic “Is you mother a whore?” )https://www.confusedvoice.com/media/2eaac9a144b792cb19afdec4035c6044

Fear

What if what I say goes against the grain: The grain of my day job. The grain of my relationship, the gain of smarter people, the grain of life in general? Saying things in a room with some friends is one thing, saying them out loud in public could be a cause for a shit storm either professionally or personally.

Possible solutions: Baby steps. This, right here, what I’ve written is a baby step. Attaching my face, my voice is another. Little by little.

quickly.

Take. Your. Time.

You’d be surprised with what you might find between sentences.

What do you do everyday?

I came across this Photo Of The Day project, via fstoppers, which spanned 18 years of one mans life. I was moved by the story, amazed that one photo showed the dynamic range of life, and ultimately saddened from the last photo’s documenting his death.

I struggle with repetition and patterns. Always have.

I’m sure there’s some sort of child-like fight internally happening. Probably a neurological neighbour that still makes my face cringe as an adult while trying to eat my veggies.

I’ve tried various things to create routine. I see the importance and the power of it. And yet when I try, it slips through my fingers ( And, no. 20 days does not make a habit. I’ve had things I’ve done longer vanish ). It’s like this unconscious struggle telling me “No, no. You did that yesterday, so how’s about you don’t do that today.”

No solutions here

I have no solutions today. Just a comment and a question. How do you get yourself to do something every day?

It takes work but you can take a pile of shit and turn it into anything else. It’s a matter of perspective. I think there are a few key ways of looking at it to change your outlook.

The arrow of time.

Past: I can’t believe this shit happened to me
Future: Shit Happens. Wipe it off.

Looking ahead. I’ve always thought it’s not about the mess, the trouble or the mistake. It’s how you get out of it.

The arrow of centricity

Inward: Ahhhhh, Fuck me!
Outward: You can go fuck yourself!

Probably not the best example, but the concept being “the world is happening to me” vs. “I’m making my world.”

The arrow of size

Smaller: All I found was a dollar
Bigger: Think of all the penny candies I can buy with this dollar!

Size is what you make of it. This can be done with time, or money, or anything. When it’s important, you make it bigger. [ yes, there’s a sex joke in there, but I’ll let you say the words ]

The arrow of open..ness..ness??

Closed: Can I have a car?
Open: What kind of car can I have?

Ok… the metaphor might be stretching a bit thin, but I think I’m making my point. It’s all in the words we choose. Take a look at your tweets and facebook posts. Take a read though the posts of people you intently read and through the ones you actively avoid.

Pay attention to these arrows.

Perhaps it might change your perspective.