Author: Nick Kempinski

I’ve been doing work around a personal aversion to the phrase “have to”. When I hear it, and especially when said to me, I always react “I don’t have to do anything”.

I don’t think anyone “has to” do anything.

I say let’s use more descriptive “need to”, “should”, “obligated”, “would like to”. All of which are different then “have to”.

So why? Well, I believe this term is used and beaten with a stick. It’s a dead horse, so I suggest, let’s all get off.

“Have to” came around at the end of the 16th century, which is the end of the Renaissance. Is it a coincidence that for a time when everyone is running around the countryside asking “why”, that people came up with “because you have to”? They wanted a way to shut them up.

It’s used as a blanket statement for people who don’t know, or don’t want to know. It’s used for people who want compliance.

Here is an example:

Person 1: “You have to [insert task here]”

Person 2: “Why?”

Person 1: “Because, you have to.”

Wrote an interesting little piece in creative class the other day. It was a moment when you hear the characters voice crisply, and it’s more dictation. Especially this, which was an odd mix of slang. Wasn’t sure what I was writing until I looked it over again.

The telephone rang. I looked at the call display to see who it was

“Oh – My – God! Like, you totally won’t believe!”

I saw the number, I saw the name, and yet I sill picked up the phone. Why?

“So Dave went to Lisa’s and totally found her tets up and snoggin Janet. She was like shocked. And he was like, shocked!”

Why? You’d think after a lifetime of listing to your little sister dish all the latest gossip, the voice wouldn’t sound like nails on a chalkboard.

“He asked if he could play too, but she just slammed palm on his specs. I mean, It ain’t pussy foot it they tri’d. But, you need a reboot on her thoughts. I mean seriously – with out her monkey toy it ain’t banana cream; it’s just pie.”

Half the time I had no clue. Where does she get these terms?

“Turns out she’s been fakin his grades for a semester. He ain’t her localhost and she’s changed providers! Hell she’s gone from packet to ping! We are talkin, like some serious backbone overhaul.”

What did she say?

“So, like, he went from hotmail to gmail, re-proped his DNS and is looking for a new server.”

With that she hung up the phone. What did she say?

Where have I been? I’ve been sitting on my couch and doing sweet FA. Why? Because
I felt like it. To be honest, I’ve been in a funk. It’s not about earth shattering
events in life. I haven’t gone through heart shattering events. Sometimes, I think,
we all just hear a little “snap” inside. Could be burn-out, could be a string of
unfortunate events, or it could simply be the way the wind is blowing or the
weather outside. Sometimes a little sweet FA is what the doctor ordered.

Some might consider this wallowing, and they might be right. I thought it was
wallowing. At first, my reaction towards my instincts, were that is was
counter-productive. Wallowing doesn’t do any good but change my point of view to
see all the crappy things. But then the thought occurred, maybe that’s what I
needed. In the world of improvement, to ignore the bad, is the best way to build
your own little invisible brick wall that will ultimately have your journey slam
to a stop. You won’t know why, or how, or where it came from, but when you hit
it, it will hurt bad. To improve, the bad must be looked at. We need to know when
we are beating a dead horse, or even worse, riding one. I think the only way to
really know for sure, it to put on the brown goggles, and look around you.

Not only that, but it’s like the blues. It’s called the blues because it’s
…well…blue: “My baby left me”; “I’m in a broke down motel”; “I got no money”.
Admitting it all, somehow makes you appreciate the beauty of the music. For some
odd reason, realizing how much bad, makes you appreciate that a) your still
kicking around and b) that through it all, there is still good.

Is my wallowing over? maybe, maybe-not. I’ll have some more ice-cream and decide.

Last week I was on course for Advanced Server Administration for Solaris 10. The whole experience was eye opening and insightful. Some really nifty features that we covered were Zones, AutoFS, RAID and JumpStart. In the process are started to wonder if maybe there could be something here?

Lately, I’ve been in a slump. It’s not a depression but a cross roads. I’ve been trying to find ways over this little bump. I’m at a stage where I’ve gone through and figured out what I’ve been natural at. I’ve made inventory of things I like and things I’m good at. I’ve also started to work on finding new things that cause a peak in my interest. But I’m at a bit of a stop sign because I’ve come to a point where I look at my inventor and say “great….now what?” Maybe some of you are in the same phase. I look at my little lists and try and devise a path or goal or career out of it. But from my limited knowledge of jobs, I can’t figure out what applies.

Some of this could be my artistic and renaissance nature. It can cause a bit of a conflict with todays specialist society. However, I’m not thinking so.

This is where I bring in my education. This is where, I believe, the act of learning can help. Not only does education or courses break up a day or work week. Not only do they push with labs and tests and timelines. Not only do they introduce you to new people, new things. But they shine a light on what I like to call “you-don’t-know-what-you-don’y-know”. They can add a perspective or two and maybe connect a couple of the dots. Perhaps you find out about a career or job that connects a couple of dots.

This of course is not the end of the journey, but in looking at my list, I’ve finding things that connect the dots. As we search, as with all journeys, each time we find something that connects the dots, when we follow it, there is something else, followed by something else. The journey is endless. But, at least along the way, we learn a thing or two.

Like my previous project,Nick is a poet, I’m starting a new sub-blog called Nick Reviews. This blog is designed solely for my opinions on Movies. I do watch a lot of them, and might have a few words to say about them.

It all came about with a writing exercise for my creative class. We were given the task to write a review. I enjoyed the process, plus I also enjoy giving an opinion without spoiling the movie. There is no need to give the plot away. There are so many other things you can review a movie besides the plot. Acting motivations, cinematography ( if anything cool ), and general feeling.

The whole idea is to improve and tweak my writing style, plus to learn more about the industry. I hope you pop by and take a look.

Update: 2018 – ya, no link. it’s very much a dead project. Unfortunately I can’t yet find the archives for this.

Site update of: http://www.vamcdonald.com

I’ve been working on my friend Vanessa’s site for some times. For the original site I think we collaborated quite well to give a gallery feel. However that was some time ago. As a bit of an internet enthusiast, I felt the pressure to update her site with the times. I’ve learned a lot since the original site, and every time I clicked “view source” i could see all of those learning. So update it was.

Hanging The Art

I know the code isn’t perfect, but I’ve made it so that adding and removing pieces from the website has the feeling of hanging real art. There is the step back to wonder if it’s aligned in proportion to the piece next to it. There is the hand sign of moving the image up or down “just a shimmy”. If the site was to be a gallery, then hanging should be no different.

Web 2.0

I’m not a fan of catch phrases. Especially when it comes to fad phrases like “Web 2.0″. It’s essentially the same stuff that’s been around for a while, except a few javascript libraries, some faded backgrounds and large fonts have all spun together. Someone I guess just needed to find one phrase to encompass it all. Well, which some AJAX, some XHTML, CSS and even some bulky fonts here and there with a dash of gradient, I’ve tried to keep up.

Realign vs Redesign

I wanted to take a page out of Carmon Moll’s article about Redesign vs Realign. I wouldn’t call myself a great designer by far. But if I could follow a couple of guidelines, I could be not half bad.

All in All

It was a pretty good venture to try and keep up to par with the virtual world. Lots of cursing because of IE. Lots of problem solving, and a bit of craziness. But all in all, it’s out in the world to view. Take a look, feedback is always welcome.

I’m a liar. Not to friends and family, but I lie to myself. We all have done it. It’s the power and beauty of denial. The best part about it is we aren’t even aware of it. And when one is engaged in the act of personal development it will happen. You will be thrown off track by a faulty lead. Perhaps even more then just one.

Denial is a great tool to be able to live day-by-day. It’s all part of the survivor instincts. Why wallow on something or some part of you when you are being chased or when you should be hunting to feed your family. It’s counter productive. But then again their are times when you should confront it, because the issue in itself is causing counter productivity.

Denial is like a criminal. Some disguise themselves in suites and smiles. Others tend to be more vicious and seedy. Yours is just as diverse. Memories are altered for protection; false observations are made to make you feel better. So to cut through all of this, we need to treat ourselves like a cop would treat a suspect. The law is blind. It uses fact, and so should you. If your answers are arbitrary or vague, come up with proof. In business they have a 360 survey. They ask direct reports, peers and leaders about one person, you. And somewhere in the middle of all the questions, the truth is born. For you, create a case file. My own personal case file is becoming more like a mystery everyday. There are new suspects popping up, key suspects are changing and new plot lines being discovered all the time. I’ve even been the key suspect several times.

Some of you feel that you are like Shaft ,Columbo or Kojak and are the lone detective cracking the case. But for some, the lone wolf path isn’t right. Don’t be afraid to find a partner; don’t be afraid to admit, “I can’t do this alone”. After all, when you are one of the suspects, how could you trust all of your own answers?

My one bit of advise is to find someone neutral. We would all like to have our family and loved ones be our partner. But sometimes, through their best interest and projections, they throw in some curve balls themselves. This is why counselors and coaches exists. These are people who care about your well being, but understand the fine line. They are professional detectives.

Regardless of how you decide to handle your own denial, keep in mind it’s there. Although my analogy could help look at it more objectively, don’t beat yourself up. There is no need to lock yourself in an interrogation room. The act of questioning is enough. The act of realizing that you can lie will open up a new possibility in finding out who you really are. The act of asking the tough questions is all it takes to unlock your own mystery.

No, this isn’t a post about wax voodoo dolls and needles.

With the Ying there must be Yang. Both must exist. It’s been a lesson that has existed for thousands of years. There must be dark and light in each of us; there must be good and bad. Nature is full of examples. Here are just a couple:

Owl, Scorpion, Snake, Vulture, Spider, Crow

Each of these animals in one religion or another have gotten a bad rap. They are “evil” or the bringers of death. Watch out! But in fact, each of them have lessons we can learn from. Lessons we need to succeed. Maybe even excel.

Take for example the act of “not caring”. The phrase in itself is difficult for some who have not embraced their dark. A simple act of not caring or even feeling indifferent to people can be a challenge. To people who want to be completely “good”, they might find themselves looking for a “win-win” outcome. They might go out of their way to accommodate others feelings, in turn, distorting the original vision. They could obsess over others feelings to the point where they take perfectly good energy away from the task at hand.

Trying to be “good” comes from years of childhood training.

“Treat others as you would be treated” – what about not treating them at all?

“Be courteous to your neighbour” – what about the asshole downstairs who likes to blare rock opera?

“Never speak before spoken to” – well how do I talk to someone who never talks to me?

I’m not a fan of “good” and “bad” ( hence all the quotes ). Reason is because there is so much more to it. In the classical sense of “good”, one must be a drone or sheep. They must follow the herd and never look back. And if anyone wants a little lime light, a little success – they must turn around and walk the other way. Be the black sheep ( some say purple cow ). Embrace your dark.

Get it…wash? It’s a liquid! Get it?

Not sure if this is a good thing or not. An article on NewScientist.com states “Drinking coffee makes you more open-minded” and on one hand that’s a good thing. But then goes on to say, “Moderate doses of caffeine can also make you more easily convinced by arguments that go against your beliefs”

Hun?

It’s good to be open minded, but “easily convinced”? For someone who drinks it religiously and addictively, does that make me flexible or someone that can be walked over? Does that make me adjustable or a hindu cow? Am I addicted to the caffeine or the relaxed perspective it gives me?

I know of some other substances that help people be open minded as well.

Late last night watching the Season 1 finale of Stargate: Atlantis ( I said Geekness ), One of the characters, Dr McKay, was frustrated by the bull headed leaders.

“They always say they don’t need the scientists until they need the scientists. By then it’s too late!” ( or something like that )

It’s not just on T.V. It’s not just “the scientists”. You can replace that with just about anything. Give it a try.

They always say they don’t need food until they need food. By then it’s too late!

They always say they don’t need it until they need it. By then it’s too late!