Who Is Nick?

Unconscious Censorship

September 06, 2013 | 2 Minute Read

I don’t get tongue tied. I get tongue tired. A case of the Silence. Today is one of those “nothing to say” days. Sometimes they are great for reflection, or great just to take a break. But sometimes it’s more unconscious censorship. This way, me and myself don’t have to fight over why I’m being quiet. Considering this project is supposed to help me uncover, rather than shutting up – I’m gonna take some time and power through. Come up with something – and chances are, it will be pretty close to the mark.

Here are just a few reasons I think I might sensor myself and not know why:

Depression

I get these bouts. And saying them out loud is helpful – I’ve heard. Although I still have a lot of trouble with the concept. Who wants to hear about sadness online? It’s like this social media leprosy. So when sad, my writing goes personal – offline; hidden.

Possible solution: Focus on why. Perhaps there’s a topic I can talk about? i.e. “Yesterday I read an article about the 4 things that keep employees loyal, and I have none of them. That fucking sucks”

Anger

Anger has always been a challenge of mine. You see, I have a conflict aversion. To get up in anyones grill and call them a fucking ass, either directly to their faces, or indirectly, where they could tie the words “fucking” and “ass” back to me, scares the crap out of me.

Possible solution: Find someone else who has the guts. Google is a great tool, for example, you could search for “The common courtesy of saying hello and goodbye in a video conference” and see what articles come up. Here’s another search, “what do I do if I hate my boss’s decision?”. ( hmmm – perhaps another is clouding it with backhanded sarcasm like I just did. The classic “Is you mother a whore?” )

Fear

What if what I say goes against the grain: The grain of my day job. The grain of my relationship, the gain of smarter people, the grain of life in general? Saying things in a room with some friends is one thing, saying them out loud in public could be a cause for a shit storm either professionally or personally.

Possible solutions: Baby steps. This, right here, what I’ve written is a baby step. Attaching my face, my voice is another. Little by little.

Creative commons featured image courtesy of Isaac Mao