What is this “Confused Voice”?
What is is; What is isnât.
Confused Voice? Does that mean you âhearâ voices?
No. I do not hear voices [ right now ]. This is about my personal voice, and being comfortable with who I am. If you want information about how to cope with hearing voices and how to manage, I suggest you look somewhere else
So youâre âconfusedâ?
Yes. I am. Iâm trying to figure out who I want to be. People who âknow in their bonesâ who they are, and who they want to be, are mesmerizing. They are without apology or restraint. I want that. At certain points in my life, I thought I was getting there, I felt a strong certainty⌠then⌠it⌠faded. Life happened. I happened. Doubt. Confusion. Fear.
What itâs all about.
This is a form of shock therapy for me. I could write a personal journal, you know, the old fashioned way, where I swear and yell and scream with vowels and then hide the tattered pages under my bed. Not saying those pages arenât there in the shadows, just, they arenât helping. I need to say these things out loud in a crowded room. Not shy away. So it needs to be public.
There will be fucking swearing. I struggle with censorship. Self censorship mostly, hence the tagline. Itâs this little voice inside my head that says, âif youâve got nothing nice to say, donât post it.â And generally itâs a great rule of thumb and works very well for my day job. But whatâs ended up happening is slowly what I defined as âniceâ ended up being âdonât offendâ and âplease everyoneââââand thereâs the problem. So thereâs not going to be censoringâââmatter of fact ( more for my benefit than yourâs )⌠elephant fucking, shit tard, cock nuggets, penis!! Done.
Iâve done this several times in several waysâââstart, stop, start, stop, get distracted by something sparkly, forget, then it rots. I would love to say that I wonât do that againâââbut at least not today.