Author: Nick Kempinski

Read an interesting post. Must be the lack of morning coffee and it might be my personal insight into jazz. I
saw this quote

“The humble improv”

Now in turn it seems that I read the quote wrong. The quote is actually from Wynton Marsalis, “The humble
improve“. However, what I thought the quote was is still true. The humble really do improv.

In addition to Rajesh’s observation that: “If you lack humility, chances are that you think that you don’t
need help and may not be OPEN to learning new things which in turn will limit your growth.”, being open to
learning new things also means being open to falling flat on your ass. Learning is awkward and messy. There
are times when we get it and fly and others we we bomb and die. In that way it is a lot like jazz improv.

Some call it bastardization; some call it social degradation. I call it evolution. Today I was reading an
article about the internet savvy Chinese. They have adapted various puns when on the internet. Take ‘88′, to
us english speaking crackers it’s just a number; even to the formal trained linguist of the orient, it’s a
number. But not for the text messengers. It turns out ‘8′ is pronounced ba. So put two 8’s together and you
get ba-ba. Sounds a lot like inky or winky ( or whatever the teletubbies names are) say goodbye right before
jumping down their trippy little rabbit hole.

I say good on them. It’s like vulgar language of the 60’s and like the ‘n’ word for Dave Chappelle and rap.
It’s evolution, it’s word play. There has always been a verbal and written language. Take a look at Carmina
Burana. A bunch of young teens writing in the formal written
verse about sex and drugs and alcohol (Gasp!) ? And Shakespeare inventing words that are still used to this day, oh my!

People need to play with language, they need to experiment and try new things. Hell english alone is one of
the choppiest, band-aide languages out there. And it’s evolving. And just because people are using it in
internet slang doesn’t mean it will end up being formal. Do you think for a moment that the common folk of
the late 1500’s – early 1600’s actually spoke like the play’s? No…but they understood, just like we do now.
So I say good for them, and good for all of those out there that are pioneers and play with words.

An interesting point crept up yesterday in The Chrysalis that I had never thought before. I had just finished
reading my homework, and everyone was taken aback. At the time of reading it, I was moven to shake and even a
tear or two crept out. I guess, I to, was taken aback by the piece. But, there kicker of it all is while I
was writing it, it was just something I did. I did not emote the same reactions as reading it nor did it
really feel all that challenging. It seemed ordinary.

It brought up an interesting point about our own personal reaction to ordinary. Ordinary are things that we
know, and things we experience on a regular basis. So often we take things that align perfectly with who we
are as ordinary. It’s like breathing and blinking, it’s so fundamental to your existence that you might not
even notice it.

I believe that everyone has something extraordinary in them, they just have to look for it. So often when I
sit and look for mine, I’m thinking of things on the end of the spectrum, things that I don’t know yet or
things I want to know. Those are necessary things to look at, but one can’t forget the in between; the
ordinary. What are all the things you do in a day? What are the things that you do that come naturally? Maybe
write an activity log for a few days and see what things are common, and seriously take a moment to look at
them. Can any of these things be that passion, that extraordinary thing?

I was reading an article in Fast Company the other day. The article, by the same title, was discussing our
nature against change. You would think that if you were given the choice to change or die, change would be
only nature. However, the article goes on say how although all say they want to change, how in truth, few
ever do. The article triggered a thought into my own dilemma. I can change my bedroom, change the look of my
site (btw: what do you think?), move to new places, but the fundamental things I want to change, remain the
same. So how is it that one makes change?

First, I think you need to have sweet sweet time. Change is never easy, it hurts and sucks. It’s like
shedding skin. Take a look at every creature that sheds skin. If you could ask them how it’s like to lose
that layer, I’m sure all of them would take a puff on there smoke and same, “Man, it sucks”. It’s full of
pain and awkwardness, just take a look at our own puberty process. Everyone knows how bad it really is.

Second, a really good time machine. You know that feeling of going around, and around in a circle. That
feeling of chasing your own tail. You think I’m just doing the same thing over and over again. You might also
think to yourself, “this is pointless, I’m not going to….[fill in the blank]” Well, this is where I’ve taken
a thought from Dari. Some might say it’s a circle, but if you look at the path, it’s more like a spiral.
Sometimes the spiral is wound so tight, that it overlaps, like a snakes coil, and other times there are leaps
and bounds. But there is still motion. There is still progress towards the desire or outcome. But, only with
a really good time machine do we ever see the progress. It never feels different at the time. You ask anyone
in the process of change…ask a teenager, go ahead, ask them how there change is going? If the answer you get
isn’t “F*&@# YOU” or “What are you talking about?” I’d be surprised.

Thirdly, rinse and repeat. It might be an old school train of thought, in a way it is. But how often did you
write, or read, or type over and over in school Even crappy typers can eventually type extremely well with 2
fingers given enough time and practice. Musicians need that repetition, if not, there joints just won’t
stretch the bridge of the guitar, or that octave and a bit stretch. If they don’t practice, they can’t focus
on the melodies in their head during a song. Instead of being in the moment and enjoying the beauty that is
coming from them, they are questioning, what’s the next note? Repetition can do magical things to people.
However, repetition needs will power like no other. It’s hard sometimes to work on something everyday when
there are so many other wonderful things to be doing.

Most of all, there must be the emotional need. There must be a driver; a drive; a goal; an outcome. Something
needs to point the way. And, when the article was proving that death wasn’t good enough, I was first taken
aback. How could dying not be good enough? And the more I thought about it the more it made sense. Everyone
dies. It inevitability makes for an impossible struggle. Whether it be 2 years or 20 years, it ( or they, if
you’ve ever seen Dead Like Me ) will always catch up with you. There is no triumph. I bet that the people who
made a change, found that driver. They didn’t change because they were running away from death, they changed
because they wanted something from life. Something they wanted deep in there core. So what is it that you
want from life? You’d be surprised at how much time, effort and clarity you get when you are working on
something that means something to you.

I’ve been looking over the past 121 post’s I’ve done. Reading some of the things I’ve tried and some of the
topics I’ve tried to discuss. In doing so, I’ve noticed that I really do break one of the most cardinal rules
of blogging, “pick a topic”. I haven’t done that. I switch backwards and forwards and sway back and forth. In
a way it’s similar to my life but really what it is, is my own personal struggle to find my voice.

For bands and musicians, they ship them out to foreign countries where no one in the main market can hear
them. It gives them the opportunity to play; try new thing; fail and succeed. But I’m not shipping myself to
those countries nor do I have a development fund to try some very expensive failures. For me this blog is my
way of stretching out and trying.

So although a good blog has a topic, a better one has a writer that the topic resonates with. So for those,
like me, that are trying, the only thing you can really do, is keep writing. Eventually the voice will come
out loud and clear.

Today I’ve been slightly distracted by a dream I had last night. For some it would be classified as gross and
nightmarish, but for me it is kind of relieving. I’m still working it all out, but first I’ll tell you the
dream.

In the dream I was brushing my teeth and it hurt slightly. I could actually start tasting the blood in my
mouth. Eventually I put down the tooth brush and played with the tooth. The second tooth on the right was
pushed in a little further and has an odd colour. So I start to play with it. Eventually I grab on hold of it
and pull. I could feel it coming out, but not painful, more like relief. I looked down at my hand that there
it was, a rotten peg of a tooth, which I squeezed. It was so rotten the it crumbed and mushed in my hands.
The last thing I remember about the dream was consistently tonguing the void and in shock that it just pulled
out like that.

I’m pretty quick at doing my own analysis of my dreams so very rarely am I baffled. This one has me
wondering. WTF?

For those of us locked into only 60 channels of T.V. ( remember when there were 3? ) and especially in the
hick world of Canada, we are just starting to see the pleasures of Dead Like
Me. I saw the pilot on
Showcase the other day and then proceeded to rent most of the first season. There are several good things about the
show:

1. Great concept
2. good scripts
3. All the streets are Vancouver

Yup, good olde ( yes, with an e ) Vancouver. I was aware that Vancouver was becoming a nice little sci-fi
drama capital in the Television industry but lately everywhere I look, It’s Vancouver. And, unlike the
others, with this show, because it’s not supposed to be a planet far away, it makes the idea of Grim Reapers
among us all the more captivating. I find myself immersed just that little extra to say…”that guy died just
outside my office”

I’ve been looking at the word focus….

• Close or narrow attention; concentration
• To concentrate attention or energy
• direct one’s attention on something

And I’m reminded of a quote from The Princess Bride:

“You use that word a lot. I do not think it means what you think it means”

Being in montreal over the past week was a great experience. I got to so the city and listen to a bit of jazz
guitar. The trip was mainly business but the little bit of pleasure I got, was good: good food, good music,
good sights.

The odd thing about the trip was the last night. I had heard that my hotel was in the “seedy” part of town
but I didn’t really click in, until I realized that every woman walking alone was scared of me. On that night
I had decided just to walk around and take in the architecture, the life and the crisp cold air. Most of the
time I liked to stay off the main streets, as the hustle and bustle takes away from the “moment” feeling. One
after the other I noticed that the women who were walking in front of me or by me all reached into their
pockets and purses. It wasn’t like reaching for a kleenex or a mint, I was sure that whatever they pulled out
and held tight in their hand, could do some serious damage to me. It was an odd and scary sensation to see
that they were actually afraid of me. And because they were afraid of me…made me afraid of where I was.

How could I have been afraid of Montreal? It’s a beautiful city with heritage and diversity. Don’t worry,
that last little experience won’t stop me from going back. I definitely want to see it again, and next time
I’ll just stay out of the “seedy” neighborhood.

The other day in The Chrysalis, we covered off a topic Dari like to call Breaking The Silence. It’s a very
personal thing but ultimately the message is this: As you grow up and learn and absorb you take in cues
either directly from things like verbal teachings or more indirectly from things like social observations.
These cues tell you what you can and cannot talk about. Of course everyone has their own person things that
they “can’t” talk about. However, if you ever want to be a creative individual you can’t stop. It might never
go away completely, after all psychological conditioning isn’t something that goes away completely, but what
you can do, is recognize it so that you can move past it. Creative people can’t have a border around their
creativity just like wild animals with fences aren’t wild anymore.

For me, while we were going through the exercise I was reminded of a story about “The King of Togo Togo” (
I’m still trying to find a copy somewhere ). At first glance it’s a wonderful harmless story. The idea is
that everything is alive, even grass is a good one, and one I truly relate to. But when looking at it in
context of this, it makes you think. I know I have topics that I just don’t talk about. I won’t talk about. I
don’t share, and I keep locked away deep inside. Is this lesson that “each blade of grass whispered to the
other” teaching that there is no real place of solitude and one can confide in? Does it teach that rather
then venting, one should just never speak? Did the story actually have an impact on me so much that my
SIlence is a verbal one?

Of course, all these questions can’t all be answered in one blog post, but they are things to wonder. I
really do wonder the implication the lessons of “silence” had on me. The funnier thing is most of them I
sought out myself. But I guess now is the time I need to really evaluate the lessons I’ve learned and do a
good spring cleaning on them, so that I can completely Break the Silence.