Asking all my life.
For those of you reading my site using one of my handy dandy feeds, you’ll notice I’ve made a slight alteration. I’ve included the permalink, comment link and trackback.
Over the next little bit I might be making some more alterations. I’m thinking maybe I’ll include things like the category info. I also noticed the the “more” link or “page” links don’t work if the post has them. So I might fix that.
Any problems with any feed, just post a comment somewhere and I’ll work to try and fix it.
When people call me a bullshitter, I take that as a compliment. I smile, and sometimes correct them and say I’m an improviser. Because really, where’s the difference? When I was younger I picked up a saxophone and immerse myself in jazz. I learned how to improvise and the power of if. It’s all about spontaneous thought. It’s all about putting an idea out there without any hesitation. It’s a small element of that unconscious computer that Malcolm Gladwell delves into with his book blink.
Watch Who’s Line is it anyway?, listen to any jazz album and you’ll see/hear the beauty unfold. You’ll see a magical moment where things click. It all just comes together perfectly. Keith Johnstone, one of the improv theater founders, was quoted in blink to say “Good improvisers seem telepathic; everything looks pre-arranged.” Lines feed into lines, great moments seem to unfold in a wondrous way.
Now, for a moment, imagine your life unfolding like this. Try to think about the potential that this kind of power it could have on your life – a series of moments that just seem to click. I believe anyone can tap into this, they just need to know how. And really it comes down to 3 simple intertwined rules
When 2 actors are improvising, the minute one rejects the thoughts or ideas of the other, the entire sketch is ruined. Jazz uses the same principle, only instead of rejecting the thoughts, if you reject the chords or the rhythm you get a train wreck of sound. The beauty as Johnstone says “…is because they accept all offers made.” If someone in the sketch say’s “Your arm needs amputating!” You don’t say “No it doesn’t.” You accept that fact and might say something like, “It’s the one you amputated last time.” Much more interesting.
It’s a very common hurtle for new improvisers to fight. The idea that one needs to accept all offers, as Johnstone thinks, “…is something no ‘normal’ person would do.” But I believe that if you want to really tap into life, using this idea of improve, you must. It’s a critical element. So why is it that it’s so hard? One word: control. By rejecting someone else’s ideas, you’re trying to gain control. In essence you are stating “I’m the leader, not you.” The fight for power and control is definitely something that sociologists, psychologists and philosophers analyze over and over. It’s the alpha mentality: “I’m in control of my life.” But as many have pointed out, control is an illusion.
I say “roll with it”. If someone say’s turn left, turn left. If traffic is slow, drive slower. If someone asks if you want to do something, say “sure”. When you don’t fight the world around you and roll with it, you’d be surprised at what can happen. I had a burger in the Bronx at 1 in the morning; Ended up in Halifax to have an entirely paid for trip, and was a part of the International Tattoo, pretending to play the tuba. I even ended up moving from Ontario to BC. I can’t say my life has been boring by any means.
I hate it when I hear people say the word “wrong”. I remember having an argument with a friend of mine in high-school about the idea. It was of course before I embraced this concept myself. She was arguing that she was never wrong, she went on to say “1 + 1 = 4″. I of course jumped and said that she was wrong. So to prove her point we had a chat with our math teacher on this. And matter of fact, the teacher said, well, it was possible if you re-define what “1″ is. You could theoretically prove that 1+1=4. And by this admission of the teacher, I saw something. I wasn’t wrong in thinking 1+1=2 and she wasn’t wrong in saying 1+1=4. We both were right.
So I really started to ask myself what is right and wrong? One of my answers is “It all depends on who you ask” If this concept is so subjective, how can it be a solid truth? To one person it’s wrong and to someone else it’s a breakthrough. To one person it’s funny and to someone else it’s cruel. One person thinks it sounds beautiful, and to another it’s crap. So why do we have terms like right and wrong in the first place? Again it comes down to the same reason why people have difficulty in “Rolling with it”.
When you say “You’re wrong” it’s the exact thing as saying “No”. It’s a control issue. You’re trying to be alpha. You’re trying to gain control of you’re life. You’re trying to control the world around you so that it fit’s into your perceptions and control it.
In the world of improv, there can’t be any wrong for the magic to happen. there can be dissonance and conflict, but that’s not “wrong”. These concepts are all subjective, it’s like listening to the difference between Thelonious Monk and Stan Getz. Dissonance will always turn to your idea of harmony and conflict will always turn to your idea of resolution if you just roll with it.
This is a great expression I picked up from a jazz director. When I first joined his jazz band, I was supposed to solo and I was pretty timid in what I played. He stopped the whole band and looked at me. I remember he was yelling “What’s wrong? Got something stuck in your horn?” As I was just learning at the time, I wasn’t confident in my playing. I told him that I didn’t know what I was playing. He looked at me and pointed to the empty auditorium behind us and said “Do you think any of these people really know what the fuck you’re supposed to be playing? It’s jazz! They don’t care! They’re stupid. It’s your job to tell them what you’re playing. You’ve got to play with balls! Play it like you mean it! You’re the musician and they aren’t! Tell them this is exactly what you’re supposed to be playing. Don’t back down. Hit the note, and play with balls!”
He was a crass man; a vulgar man. But he taught me that you need to have confidence. You need to believe in yourself and what you are doing and saying. Which ties into the previous idea of “nothing is wrong”. If you can’t be wrong, then why would you be timid? Why would you stress out about what other people thought. And the funny thing I’ve learned, is when you say it confidently, no one questions it.
Now the trick with these 3 rules is they all have to be used in conjunction. You can’t miss one of them. You can’t roll with it, and think something is wrong. You can’t be confident, and not roll with it. If one of these elements is missing in the process, then somehow it breaks down. It could sound o.k. The sketch could be amusing. But it’s not magic. It doesn’t “click”. They all rely on each other. They need to be in harmony for the spell to happen.
I believe improv can conjure powerful forces to allow things to work and click. And if you use these in your daily life, things magically come together. The things you should be doing become the things you are doing. Life becomes a great adventure of new things and new revelations, and ultimately you might find the life you wanted to live becomes the life you are living.
I’ve just come out of a month of frustration, and I recently came to a conclusion
I’m going to be combining an idea from Tom Peter’s called Wow, along with another simple philosophy called K.I.S.S.
IF NO “WOW,” NO GO!
Does “it” Pop?
Does “it” Sparkle?
Does “it” make you Grin?
Is “it” … WOW?
If “it” (grand or mundane) isnʼt WOW … re-do it! Or donʼt do it!
This is … Your Day.
Not “their” day.
This Day belongs … ULTIMATELY … to You.
Not “them.”
Cubicle slaves Unite!
Technicolor Titans rejoice!
Throw off the shackles of Conformity!
Just say/shout a throaty “No!” to Non-WOW!
So …
WOW!
Now!
(No bull. This is do-able.)K.I.S.S.
Keep
It
Simple
Stupid!
I’ve been finding that as time is going by I’m making this whole things way too complicated. And I’ve looked at it and thought, well, this is o.k. But not wow! and really that not fair to anyone now is it.
I know the logo will be the same, after all, I just got business cards. I know that some of the layout elements will look the same, but I’m building it again from scratch. I’m pretty much throwing all the other stuff away. It’s not modular enough; it’s not expandable enough, it’s definitely not clean enough, and quite frankly, the code is complete crap. Let’s face it, I can get by with perl, but I’m no expert. So, I’m going to dumb the language down a little ( some would argue ) to php. It’s a little more like my realm.
Sure, it’s a stupid thing for me to do, but as I said on my own blog, I’ve got the rest of my life left, I can afford to be stupid once in a while.
I guess what I thought was a bad week has trickled into another. I knew challenges would be ahead and I knew there would be storms, and right now I’m in a doozie. Things aren’t full of joy and roses and a matter of fact, nervous tension is starting to build as this endeavour is starting to drain the bank account.
But, I’m not going to let that stop me from at least posting something to my blog. I can’t and I won’t. Blogging is great for the readers but even better for the blogger. It’s a great tool to push your own envelop. It keeps you looking and asking and searching for things. It helps me keep on my toes and regardless of what’s going on, everything I read I ask myself, “Is that something I should post about?” And if it could be I give is a shot.
This morning I remembered that I haven’t done a personality test in a while. For me it’s a fun thing thing. I thought I needed it considering the troubles I’ve been having. I needed the break. I like to keep up with them, to see how I’m doing, if I’m still the same or if I’ve changed over time. So far I’ve found good tests at similarminds.com. I personally like the Jung+Enneagram. So I did it. My results haven’t changed since last time, here they are.
“Journalist”. Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.
Enneagram: 9 sx/sp/so
| Type 1 | Perfectionism | |||| |
20% |
| Type 2 | Helpfulness | |||||||||||||||| |
63% |
| Type 3 | Image Awareness | |||||||||||||| |
60% |
| Type 4 | Sensitivity | |||||||||| |
40% |
| Type 5 | Detachment | |||||||||||||||||| |
73% |
| Type 6 | Anxiety | |||||||||||| |
43% |
| Type 7 | Adventurousness | |||||||||||||| |
60% |
| Type 8 | Aggressiveness | |||||||||||||| |
53% |
| Type 9 | Calmness | |||||||||||||||||||| |
90% |
Nines are calm, laid-back, and optimistic. They are able to see everyone’s point of view and have a natural desire for peace. Nines are effective mediators. Fearful of conflict and separation from others, they may be too accommodating.
Your variant is sexual: sx/sp/so
Overall, you score highest on assertive traits (sx), followed by withdrawn traits (sp), and lowest on complaint traits (so)
Just when I finish a post about today’s needed distraction, my brother sends me this. Now I’m going to be sining “It’s peanut butter jelly time!” for the next couple of days. Nice.
For those of you out there who have been following, you know that I’ve been trying to figure out my passion. Asking questions and evaluating everything about me. Trying different things and experimenting with finding “my” way. Well, this past week I’ve been on a downward spiral, second guessing everything and today was a very low point day. This whole process is very taxing on the emotions.
It’s a real roller coaster of back and forth, and back and forth. Even reading through my posts I can see my own emotional and mental yo-yo happening ( which is very reflective of the process ) . “I think it could be this….no wait…maybe it’s this…hold on…how about this…yes, I found the answer…nope, not it” It’s like being uncomfortable in your own skin, constantly trying to make adjustments to see if it fits perfectly, and just when you think, maybe just maybe, it crumbles to your feet.
Today, I was looking through all these lists and notes I’ve made to myself and came to the conclusion it was all crap. They were all full of justifications and rationalizations. As I was reading them, the voice inside my head wasn’t mine. It was of the people who originally said them. It was the voices of people like my father, my friends ( past and present ), my brother, my teachers. Hardly any of it was my own. How is it supposed to be “my” passion, when it’s not even my voice inside my head? So, I threw it all out. I figured better to start again from scratch then sifting through the junk.
Days like today there is a dark side in my brain wishing I had never started this journey. It would be so much easier if I just stayed completely ignorant. I probably could have been content with what I was doing but that would have been the most I could be, content. And I don’t want that. I want fire and passion!
I couldn’t even go back if I wanted. There is a quote I often say, “I don’t know what I don’t know.” The catch is once you do know, you can never unlearn it. It’s like riding a bike. Once you’ve learned you can’t just wake up one morning and choose to forget. Even after not riding for years, the minute you sit on one, it’s all there, you’re riding again. I think that’s a beautiful thing about trying to figure yourself out. Regardless of the direction, you’re always moving forward.
Note: There is one thing I’m keeping, and that is my purpose statement. It made me cry, and that means it’s all mine.
Once in a while when people ask me how things are going, I answer, “I’m fighting.” They often wonder what. I tell them it’s a battle. That I’m not exactly sure who the monster is or the demons in the war, but that regardless of my surrounding, it’s a battlefield.
I think this afternoon I got some insight into this battle, maybe even a weapon or two. I can now put some faces to my enemy, they all look like me. Steven Pressfield’s, the War of Art, is a blunt kick in the ass as to show who the real demons are. It’s a refreshing word as to the importance and necessity of persistence to our visions and our true selves.
It’s definitely got my brain turning and racing as I look around and see evidence of my losses. As I’m getting closer and closer to the real me, the Resistance ( yes, that’s a capital R) against me, is also increasing. I just need to keep in check with it. I need to look it in the face and keep paddling through it. I need to keep at it regardless of the surroundings. I need to do it, even if I was the last person on earth.
One of my personal battles is with scheduling, as you’ve seen in my previous posts. Yet there was a passage that got me thinking.
Someone once asked Somerset Maugham if he wrote on a schedule or only when struck by inspiration. “I write only when inspiration strikes,” He replied. “Fortunately it strikes every morning at nine o’clock sharp.”
It makes me question. Maybe it wasn’t that my passion was being killed by the calendar, but as I got closer to what I needed to do, Resistance was fighting harder. I justified and rationalized this whole thing out of the picture. I looked again at the list of Needs, Talents, Passion and Purpose. And there it was, completely overlooked: Sharing, Creating Community.
I know I haven’t spelled out too much of what I’m trying to do in my posts, but essentially it’s an online event calendar. It’s sharing with others information about what’s going on. And in essence creating communities. So how is it that what I’m building isn’t in that?
Those damn sirens of the sea! Causing hallucinations and madness. And they would have gotten away with it if it were for that darn book!
Saw this on The Hour last night. Who plays this on the air? I guess George does.
Now this is a nifty idea, instead of using passwords as security, Real User suggests, why not faces? Give it a shot.
Ah, Valentines day. In waking up this morning I walked to my computer only to find all the bloggers in the world taking a moment in their life to celebrate love and joy. Well, for me I’m going to make a post for us lonely out there.
I get the idea of love, and I sure do appreciate those who have it, but with all the hype and publicity of the day, it’s an amplifier to the fact that this morning when I rolled over in bed, their wasn’t anyone there. It’s a reminder that as I’m talking in my living room, only my cat will meow back. It’s a day, where all the memories of Valentines Day’s past are played in my head and how this year it’s solo. Not a good feeling at first, but like anything else, practice makes perfect. Or is it time heals? So, I make due and try and remind myself that I’m my own Valentine.
I suggest to all those out there who aren’t liking today, to be proud and go to a movie and only buy 1 ticket. Go to dinner and say “for 1″. To have a date with yourself. I think sometimes it’s easy to show someone else how much you love them. But I think the real courage and challenge is to show how much you love yourself. Buy yourself something you want. Do something you’ve always wanted to do. For me, I’ve found I enjoy taking a long walk by myself. I stroll and ponder. I use this time to remind myself about things that I want to accomplish. I ask myself, “if I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life, what will make me happy and complete.” I suggest everyone, regardless of companionship status ask themselves this question. So, my jacket and shoes are on, and once I click “publish” for this post, I’m off and walking. Happy Valentines.