Author: Nick Kempinski

I have a problem of thinking too much – it’s sad really. No, really, it makes me sad. Add that to the fact that I work from home, alone, the majority of time, in a small town, and I’ve got a deadly combination.

Doing things can break that. Making things can break that. Running can break that. Playing piano can break that. Human contact can break that. Making a pile of mash potatoes can break that.

Anything but “thinking”.

A Concise Mind

I recently had an opportunity to hang around brilliant folks in their fields. Mainly it was wine and food – and ooooohhhhh such good wine and ammmmmazing food.

But there was something to their brilliance which had me think about this little quote.

“If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter.”

Misquoted as a bunch of old guys

Excluding the non-verbal aspect of tasting the fruits of their talents – when I spoke with them, they easily got me to grasp what they did. No fancy language, not bells and whistles, no references to 18th century chefs & techniques that didn’t mean anything to me.

They had taken the time and could write a shorter letter.

Perhaps the leaders of tomorrow should remember that. Perhaps we’re already heading there with the infinite blogs and content creators leveraging skimming behaviours, smaller paragraphs and brevity to stand out in the crowd.

Perhaps it’s a tone we’re getting used to and looking for the more we head into a tribal state.

I understand the law of attraction, and without all the hippy dippy fluffery that surrounds it, it makes sense. You make your world in your mind and things start happening. You want a house — build it in your mind and you start seeing opportunities to make it real. Sci-fi should be a prime example of how a mind and collective mind have shaped our world from astronauts to cell phones to the internet.

While reading yet another book on it, The Passion Test, I get a feeling, that again, it skipped a core step.

What the fuck do I want to make with my mind?

It may be my own personal challenge. But that nugget, that core, that root, that single question confounds me every time. What I want, draws a blank. I don’t block or deny the rest of the process – I’ve lept and allowed the net to catch; I’ve done amazing things; I’ve completed things I knew were crazy. And then, once completed… what’s next?

[insert shrugging shoulders]

What it is; What it isn’t.

Confused Voice? Does that mean you “hear” voices?

No. I do not hear voices [ right now ]. This is about my personal voice, and being comfortable with who I am. If you want information about how to cope with hearing voices and how to manage, I suggest you look somewhere else

So you’re “confused”?

Yes. I am. I’m trying to figure out who I want to be. People who “know in their bones” who they are, and who they want to be, are mesmerizing. They are without apology or restraint. I want that. At certain points in my life, I thought I was getting there, I felt a strong certainty… then… it… faded. Life happened. I happened. Doubt. Confusion. Fear.

What it’s all about.

This is a form of shock therapy for me. I could write a personal journal, you know, the old fashioned way, where I swear and yell and scream with vowels and then hide the tattered pages under my bed. Not saying those pages aren’t there in the shadows, just, they aren’t helping. I need to say these things out loud in a crowded room. Not shy away. So it needs to be public.

There will be fucking swearing. I struggle with censorship. Self censorship mostly, hence the tagline. It’s this little voice inside my head that says, “if you’ve got nothing nice to say, don’t post it.” And generally it’s a great rule of thumb and works very well for my day job. But what’s ended up happening is slowly what I defined as “nice” ended up being “don’t offend” and “please everyone” — and there’s the problem. So there’s not going to be censoring — matter of fact ( more for my benefit than your’s )… elephant fucking, shit tard, cock nuggets, penis!! Done.

This time I’m looking for answers [added Jan 2018]. When I first started this all, it was to start down the rabbit hole. Now, I think perhaps I need to add some more analytical work? Be a professional and shit and really critique myself and others. I want to not only break the silence, but find clarity and focus in my voice.

I’ve done this several times in several ways — start, stop, start, stop, get distracted by something sparkly, forget, then it rots. I would love to say that I won’t do that again — but at least not today.