Blog

No Pressure. Non, what-so-ever. Nope.

Oh man! This is a little on the tough side. I’m working on my project which will hopefully be a good thing. But I had a personal deadline of having it done 2 days ago! Sure the first day after I was a little upset, but now I’m really cheesed.

Deadlines are funny things. Especially when I’m the one making and meeting them. It’s tough on you’re own. How do we make and meet our own deadlines. I find it interesting that some are really good at it, and others, namely me, really suck at it. Where does it stem from? How do we meet them?

It all comes down to urgency. I’m not sure if it’s my past pressurized work place, but I don’t feel it anymore. I know it’s there, and as I look at the bank account and around at my life, I know I should have it but I don’t. I look at friends and family who do, and it comes down to the almost paralyzing feeling they get about urgency. They know it to the bone and it seems almost life and death. Which is what get’s them through and to it.

How do you engage a level of urgency to ones who don’t feel it or don’t want to? You can’t pretend it’s life and death when it’s not. You can’t pretend the world is going to be blown up to bits and pieces tomorrow when it isn’t. How do you light that kind of fire?

A common phrase around here is “I’m not saying, I’m just saying”. It’s a moment of expressing yourself and it’s not a moment where anyone needs to really care about what you’re saying. There isn’t even any point to what’s being said. They are sometimes just words spewing out of your mouth. It’s just a moment of steam release, kinda of link Mt. St. Helens. So, this entire post is just that. I’m not saying, I’m just saying.

With all the lead up you’d probably expect something big, a big fuss and lots of edited @&%$’n language. But you’re not going to. Reason being, what is it that I have to say? I don’t even know. Here I was thinking I’m this person with lot’s of thoughts and ideas, yet when it comes down to it, I’m empty. It could be one of these down moments. You know, when you’re looking around and re-evaluating, but it doesn’t feel like that. Here I am bounding off into a brave new world, and I’m feeling empty. Not like empty as a gas tank, but empty in the brain. I’m working, or think I’m working but time goes by and nothing. Even my blogs. Where is all of this time I wanted to open up go?

Now, for those who know me, time management has never really been a strong suit of mine, matter of fact any type of organization hasn’t been even remotely close to a skill I have in my bag-o-tricks. I’m one of these big idea, scatter everything to the wind kind of guys. So…needless to say, I’ve got some learning to do.

It seems that my friend Daniel has made really good point about blogs and their owners,

I am willing to bet an amount of money proportionate to how important this really
is, that a greater percentage than the current divorce rate of blog entries are
not actually about anything worthwhile, but instead are rationalistic rants about
how, after some time has passed, the author of the blog has “got back on the
horse” and has decided that this time folks, from now on, he or she promises to
be good, to write in their blog every day, and that things have just been
“so hectic” that it’s hard to find the time to contribute.

And I must confess I am one of them. So here we are. I’m going to stop making
excuses. I’m going to blog when I blog, and do what I do. It’s easy for us to
tell us all of these excuses for the things we do and don’t do. Even just
reading his blog, I found myself trying to come-up with excuses in my mind, well
screw them. Screw all the excuses.

Kind of like a lone wolf who sets out from the pack to make their own, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a lone lemming. Unlike other lemmings, I survive the fall. And what’s more, I choose to fall again. I keep falling and jumping and falling, hoping that I’m like the Pegasus of lemmings. I’ll be able to fly. Who knows one day I just might.

So it’s official, I’m an independent consultant. Last night was a total blast. Everyone was there. It was a great feeling to look around the table and see how many people came out to see me off. Boy, it felt good. Sure, right now, I’m not feeling so good, but that’s only the hangover.

Who knows what next now. I’ll figure it out along the way. But the point is I’m independent, on my own, a lone lemming. And I know no matter what happens, I always survive the fall.

Time is speeding up faster then a sup’d up civic at an illegal street race with nitro injection. I’ve been working like a monster so that I’ve got all the loose ends tied off. I figure “go big before I go home”. Reason being, no one knows who’s going to fill my shoes. It seems that I’m so indispensable, that even when I put it all on the line, they (the infamous them) can’t seem to find a replacement. My question is, if I give 3 months, how long do you think it’s possible to find a replacement? Normally answer would be hopefully less then 3 months. Not at my work. I kinda feel bad because everyone around is freaking as to who the replacement will be, I tell them to call me boss.

This brings into play the whole idea of succession planning. At my work, they’ve got the beginnings going on, but I don’t think they’ve pushed it enough. I believe that every job requires succession planning. I might not be a team lead or manager, but guess what happens when I leave? Ask the people around me, if I should have been teaching peers or been a mentor? Succession planning isn’t for management only.