Author: Nick Kempinski

Back in my first check-in I said that these check-ins help me because:

• I get wrapped up in things. I forget to ask where I am.
• I sometimes bounce-back too quick. I don’t register what I learned from the last thing.
• I forget what I’ve done. Because I’ve moved onto something else, I don’t look back.

Well, this week it’s a mix of #1 and #3. I’ve been sitting here for a while, and I can’t remember a thing. I can’t remember if it went well, or didn’t.

I guess in it’s own right, that means it went well.

Sunday Check-In #8: Ummm

_{What happened between Feb 16 – 22}

It just was.

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And Done.

What a roller coaster week. I’m not exactly too sure where to begin. Well, let’s just start and see where it leads

Sunday Check-In #7: Doin’ It

_{What happened between Feb 9 – 15}

What went well?

Connecting with people

I’m finally getting the point of connecting with people. Better people, good people, passionate people. And if you want some revitalization in whatever it is that you want to do, find them!

Just do it

I had an Interview with Margaret Lobenstine. Why? Because I could. How did I do it? I just did.

I’m kinda getting used to just going for it. And in comparison to last week, this is a great improvement. Something that James said in his comment.

You say you need to relieve the pressure. That is, you need to fix something. Something is broken. So I’m going to challenge you on that very point: You need to relieve the pressure, is this true? Can you be absolutely sure that it’s true?
…
Can you think of examples from your life where the following are true: “I don’t need to relieve the pressure”, “I need to keep the pressure”, “I need more pressure”. And yes, this is totally me stealing Byron Katie’s ideas but they help me so I figure why not spread the help around a little.

And it was a help. Because when I look back at my life, I’m always adding more. If you don’t, there is no growth.

Margaret had mentioned in the interview, Renaissance Souls love the learning! Love the growing process!

And growth needs to come from adding something to something else. Whether that be, knowledge; whether that be muscle or simply air in a balloon.

How do you add something? How do you grow? You soak in the sun and you just do it.

Add pressure.

What didn’t go well?

When things get tight, there is this mixed bag of feelings. On one hand, it sucks. But at the same time, I’m always reminded of 2 quotes

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

This too shall pass

[ James mentioned that one too ]

Is this one of those times? I don’t know. I do know it’s a challenge.

Is this really not going well? Maybe not. Only the outcome will tell.

What can I do better

Trust/Faith

[ Oh the debate on which word to use…I say faith. ]

I think it’s all come down to a period of time, when I should “Just do it”. And in the end, have faith that it will work out.

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And Done.

And thanks again James!

_{What happened between Jan 2 – Feb 8}

What went well?

Still in a quasi-hiatus [ borderline what’s going well / not going well ]

I’m doing less, and catching up on TV. A little hibernation, so to speak. I’m enjoying the break. Taking more time for me, all that good touchy feely stuff.

But I’m at the tail end and starting to wonder, is this enjoying a break, creative rejuvenation or just flat out denial?

@nkempinski: If you ever find yourself exhausted for no apparent reason, you could be creatively spent. Take a nap, or 5.

@solutious: @nkempinski You’re totally right dude. Creativity should come with a warning about it’s soul-draining properties!

What didn’t go well?

Pressure Building

This is why I’m starting to question my hiatus. Because in my peripheral vision, I’m seeing these things pile up. And soon, if not handled will just explode.

An Example:
I’m supposed to find myself an internship by April 20. But got a few “no”’s. So did I let them roll off my back, and keep going? Hell no. Instead I haven’t called a single person.

All the while, “tick-tock-tick”

I’m waiting for the steam whistle.

Passion vs J-O-B

To start the week, I had a great [ that’s sarcasm ] conversation about money. It’s the bestest conversation for starving students to have [ drip more sarcasm ].

And so it came to the classic renaissance debate. Do I follow my passions [ All of them ] and trust that it will work out. Or, do I turn to a classic J-O-B?

[ But yes, I know I need $$ ]

I’m still torn, but in the meantime, the resume has been mailed out a couple of times.

What can I do better?

Relieve Some Steam

I have no clue how to do this. No suggestions, recommendations, no insights or quirky phrases. I’m at a loss.

[ Blink, Blink, Blink ]

And yet, I need to relieve some of the pressure building in the peripheral somehow. [ Or am I already? ]

Blog More

[ More peripheral pressure ] I know that this imperative. That when I look at the list of things I need to do, things I should do, things, I have to do. This is at the bottom.

And yet, it gnaws.

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I’m chipper aren’t I? [ even more sarcasm ]

And done.

It’s a quickie. This was a quasi-forced-hiatus week. I’m sure there of loads of things I should have done; I’m sure there are loads of things I could say in my check in. But instead I decided it was a needed break. So short sweet and to the point.

Sunday Check-In #5: A Big Breath

_{What happened between Jan 26 – Feb 1}

What went well?

Breathing

This week was much more relaxing then last [ funny that I can say relaxing ]. I was able to get a bunch of work done, I was able to check up on how everyone was doing. And all in all, relaxed about it.

I could “breath”.

I even had a bit of a weekend. [ weird, I know ]

What didn’t go well?

A Bunch of “no”’s

In our program it’s Intern time. And so it’s time to hit the pavement and start making calls. “Hi my name is Nick, are you interested in an intern. Did I mention it was free?”

And soon I got my first two “No”’s. They were logical, and nothing personal. [ very well worded ] More like procedural problems, but “no” non the less.

I’m not crushed, I’ve been said “no” too before. But it still takes a second to shake it off and keep moving on.

What can I do better?

Are there weeks where you couldn’t do anything better? Are there weeks that I wonder “does it really matter?”.

The Low grade

Turns out I got my first very low grade. 50%.

But you know why I got it?

Because of priorities and exhaustion.

On one hand, is it something I could have done better? I’m sure I could have.

On the other, would it be worth the self torture to push myself that much further? No.

I think there are loads of times in life, that we hear that little crack in our brains. When we feel the break. But how many listen and stop to heal?

My first instinct was to not stop, to chug through, pull an all nighter, try and drip every bit of energy from my body to get it done. And then I realized, that If I had, where would the energy come from for the next week, or the week after that?

So, I could have done better on the grade. But in terms of protecting my own sanity and creativity. I think I made the best choice.

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And Done

An interesting piece of check-in…. And interesting week?? The check-in should help…right?

How does it help me?

• I get wrapped up in things. I forget to ask where I am.
• I sometimes bounce-back too quick. I don’t register what I learned from the last thing.
• I forget what I’ve done. Because I’ve moved onto something else, I don’t look back.
• new!: None of the above!
• new!: All of the above!

Sunday Check-In #4: Off = “blah”

_{What happened between Jan 19 – Jan 2}

What went well?

There are times, when that is a really good question. What went well? [ playing on repeat in my mind ] And so I sit, and stare off. Meditate. Squirm. Fidget. Procrastinate and maybe take a few more sips of coffee. And still nothing comes to mind.

Something has got to have gone well!

Ahha….got it!

Living and learning

This week was a week of lessons. It was a week of realizations of what I wasn’t doing. Of what I was missing [ hind sight = 20/20 kinda stuff ].

So, the “what went well” portion, at least for this week, is under “what didn’t go well” and “what can I do better”.

Does that mean that this week really sucked?

My week did not suck

It could have been a week of horrors. And although nothing in particular stands out as “well”, nothing particularly stands out as “sucking” either. So, in that regard, not bad!

What didn’t go well?

If nothing stood out as “sucking” why force looking at what “didn’t go well”, why not skip it all together?

Reason #1: These are the lessons. The things that could have gone better.
Reason #2: The week hasn’t been that bad……no sucking, curl up in a ball and hide, paralizing traumas. More like “blah”.

A series of off days

I’ve been noticing pockets were I have no sense of humour. By Tuesday, something was “off”. I realized that I was wearing CranyPants and that I’d been wearing them for too long.

And so the next step I thought was to get rid of them. But no luck. Victoria helped me look at it another way.

@nkempinski: When you have an off day, how do you get back on the right foot?

@victoriashmoria: @nkempinski I find that *not trying* to get back on track has the highest success rate.Kicking and screaming don’t fix it.Give in for a bit.

@nkempinski: @victoriashmoria It’s was a challenge when I was on air and the mic was on. But, once the mic was off … much easier.

And so I just accepted it for the rest of the week. No struggles. I just gave in. It even inspired part of my next show.

I also went around and warned everyone that I was off, and that I may not be my chipper funny self. They all took it well…I think.

A series of mad scrambles

Until Friday, every day was a mad scramble. My on-air shift, my homework, my assignments. I didn’t fail anything, which is a good thing. But I didn’t come close to my normal standards either.

teacher: Nick, I think I see your direction, but the rationale in your proposal was a tad thin and consisted of just a couple of sentences…I get the impression you didn’t spend much time on this…10/20

me: Yes, it’s true, I slapped it together at the last minute…I knew it would need a lot more thought. I’m going to send you a more thorough proposal by Friday.

What can I do better

[ Are these unconnected? I think not ]

Stay Connected

For the past 2 weeks, my job was to be the Program Director. [ the big kahuna, the big cheese, the dude in charge, the fix it man, etc… ] However, I was also, on-air from 12-3:30pm.

When I came out of my show, hardly anyone was left at the station.

And so I couldn’t do the rounds. I couldn’t hear peoples stories, find out how their day way. If I couldn’t find out their problems, how was I going to make tomorrow better for them? How was I going to do my job?

I couldn’t.

And then I realized…

Part of what I do is listen. I love listening to stories from others. Sometimes I listen, sometimes I help. Sometimes listening is helping.

This is one of those things I do naturally. It doesn’t matter if it’s part of my job or not. Part of my “off”, was I wasn’t listening to people. Talking with people.

I was isolated.

I need people.

Stay Inspired

I made an observation yesterday that was interesting.

@nkempinski: Odd… Somewhere along the line I stopped watching TED videos. My blogging stopped ’round the same time. Is that a coincidence? Hmmm.

In my mad scramble I’ve stopped taking things in. I’m way behind on reading blogs, or tweets. I’m way behind in all those little things I could do over the holidays.

And when I did watch/read/hear them, I was starting to “feel” connected. I was starting to “feel” like I was doing something.

This could be part of “Staying connected” the stories I listen to inspire me. No matter if they are stories of walking your dog. Stories I’ve heard before. Stories I’ve read before. Stories that have no ending [ “And so…………..” ].

When I’m listening, I’m inspired.

When I’m not…..

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a bit of a roller coaster week. Even the check-in feels odd. Nothing close to what I expected. No matter….

And Done.

Holy Crap! It’s Sunday again! Time to check-in.

How does it help me?

• I get wrapped up in things. I forget to ask where I am. [ a massive red marker like check ]
• I sometimes bounce-back too quick. I don’t register what I learned from the last thing.[ not so much this week ]
• I forget what I’ve done. Because I’ve moved onto something else, I don’t look back.[ meh ]

This week I’ve been on a mission. I’m cutting to the point a lot quicker, so let’s get to it!

Sunday Check-In #3: WTF??

_{What happened between Jan 12 – Jan 1}

What went well?

School

School, school, school, school

school, school, school!

Yup. That’s been the week. And it’s been awesome!

I’m running around like a mad man, sometimes not knowing where to go first. People come to me for help. I find out if people need help. I ask, I give, I receive. It’s amazing!

Being the Program Director [ a.k.a. The Boss ] is what I want to do [ note: I am not saying the only thing, or how long, the beauty of renaissance souls is this can change tomorrow ] . And for one more week, I get to do that in the safe and comfortable environment of school. I get to learn, and make mistakes.

What didn’t go well?

No Balance

What the….! Didn’t I talk about this last week? [Just a second … let me check … yup]

Still a problem.

That’s this thing about finding balance in a crazy time. You want time to do all the things you want BUT you need time to find out how to find time AND you have no time!

Viva la Revolution!

I’m surrounded by a small revolution at school. I’m waiting for sit in’s and protests signs. [“Hell no we won’t go!”, “Mandatory Stops Here!” and “I will fail and that’s o.k.”]Ya…bad.

And I’ve been asked to say something. [Um………?]

What can I do better

Get off the round-a-bout

I get caught up in the rat race, in the game of the world, and sometimes forget that it’s all my choice to be in it.

I bought the ticket and stepped on.

The reason I have no time, is that I don’t want the time or I have different priorities with my time. I’m the one choosing to do all these things at school and at the station. No one is forcing me.

Plus looky here [gasp! awe! shock!] I’m finding a couple of hours to do a sunday check-in. How is that possible!? [ thick like peanut butter sarcasm is always lost in the written word. you may have only seen a thin amount, but I assure you, it’s dripping ]

When in doubt wait longer

I don’t have to do anything right now. I can wait. If “um” is my answer, perhaps it’s a sign that I don’t have one right now.

Sometimes there is no reason to force and answer.

Our brains are incredible. Little super computers that process things quietly in our subconscious. Sometimes we forget that we need to trust it.

Sometimes about the “tick, tock, tick” forces our hand

But stop! breath! take your time!

If my mind is saying nothing [blink blink] or “Um….” the I have no answer. And so I will wait longer.

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And done.