#check-in

_{What happened between Feb 22 – March 15}

Bye-bye Format [ for now … I think ]

First thing is first – screw the format. There is no what went well, what didn’t go well, and what can I do better. I may or may not bring it back.

Why?

It doesn’t always suit the check in.

Sometimes a ramble is what’s needed, and it might all be good, and it might all be bad. And as I’ve been told on more then one occasion, “that’s o.k.”

Something had to give

And that was blogging, twitter, nights out, conersing with people… all things social.

I was not a social butterfly. I had no energy to converse with folks [ though I wasn’t completely mute ], and when I needed to, I’m sure it wasn’t my captivating chipper self.

Most put up with it, and friends really came through and shined. And again I was told on more then one occasion, “that’s o.k.”

The crazy book

I forgot about a process I did when I was younger. I had a desk, and I would vandalize it [ it was mine…why not ]

I had scratches and marker all over the thing. When I wasn’t sure, or down, I would just draw on it. I called it my venting chest.

But it never made it out west with me.

So, now enter the crazy book…

It’s a large black book of empty blank paper. And on each page is layers of scratches and rambles. I let the pen run wild. And there are times when it’s fluid and bubble like. Other times like lightning and tornadoes.

I don’t sensor, I don’t judge, the hand just goes.

And the lessons come.

It reminds me of all those things I wanted to get done, but were pushed down so many times they almost drowned.

It shifts priorities. If something keeps cropping up, and I originally though it wasn’t a big deal…it becomes a big deal.

And to boot, when I’m done pouring out my guts onto paper, I feel better. I feel o.k. again.

A little escapism

To counteract my overwhelming feelings of the week, I realised that I went down the TV rabbit hole a little.

Picked up on all the shows I had missed, wanted to watch, never started.

But the nice thing was, I didn’t turn on my TV once. All online, all through the comuter and all at my convenience [ CTV and Space have it down. Hulu isn’t international friendly { I’m not even going to link to them, that how angry I am at that } ].

By golly I like it.

Was this good or bad? Neither. It’ o.k. I just needed some time to force myself to stop thinking, stop wallowing, and really take a break.

TV was just the tool to do it.

Body Break

I’ve written several times about trying to balance things when being a renaissance soul. When you aren’t, the world can crumble down like a deck of cards.

I’ve been playing 52 card pick-up. [ sometimes it feels like 520 card pick-up ]

My energy level has been low, I’ve been in a bit of pain, and very cranky. Why? It’s the physical part of balance. [ you know … the actual thing that does the real life balancing on two feet teetering your head on you neck, making sure you don’t fall flat on your face ]

My body is just screaming at me. [ always has … me and the body part of balance never got along ] And so I’ve been falling flat on my face [ figuratively and literally ]

And so we’ve been having a good talk: me and my body.

So, while I’m not going to do the diet things, and the calorie counting stuff, I am going to at least stock my cupboards and fridge with things that are G.I. friendly.

So, that way, no matter what I decide to slap together in a rush, I know that it’s o.k.

Anything else?

I’m sure there are loads of other things that happen. After all, it’s been 3 weeks. Internship hunts and interviews. Job seeking. Documentary organizing. And Future planning.

Nothing is ever stagnant, even though, at times, I want them to be.

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End of line,
New command [ FYI: Battlestar next week should be awesome! ]

And Done

Back in my first check-in I said that these check-ins help me because:

• I get wrapped up in things. I forget to ask where I am.
• I sometimes bounce-back too quick. I don’t register what I learned from the last thing.
• I forget what I’ve done. Because I’ve moved onto something else, I don’t look back.

Well, this week it’s a mix of #1 and #3. I’ve been sitting here for a while, and I can’t remember a thing. I can’t remember if it went well, or didn’t.

I guess in it’s own right, that means it went well.

Sunday Check-In #8: Ummm

_{What happened between Feb 16 – 22}

It just was.

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And Done.

What a roller coaster week. I’m not exactly too sure where to begin. Well, let’s just start and see where it leads

Sunday Check-In #7: Doin’ It

_{What happened between Feb 9 – 15}

What went well?

Connecting with people

I’m finally getting the point of connecting with people. Better people, good people, passionate people. And if you want some revitalization in whatever it is that you want to do, find them!

Just do it

I had an Interview with Margaret Lobenstine. Why? Because I could. How did I do it? I just did.

I’m kinda getting used to just going for it. And in comparison to last week, this is a great improvement. Something that James said in his comment.

You say you need to relieve the pressure. That is, you need to fix something. Something is broken. So I’m going to challenge you on that very point: You need to relieve the pressure, is this true? Can you be absolutely sure that it’s true?
…
Can you think of examples from your life where the following are true: “I don’t need to relieve the pressure”, “I need to keep the pressure”, “I need more pressure”. And yes, this is totally me stealing Byron Katie’s ideas but they help me so I figure why not spread the help around a little.

And it was a help. Because when I look back at my life, I’m always adding more. If you don’t, there is no growth.

Margaret had mentioned in the interview, Renaissance Souls love the learning! Love the growing process!

And growth needs to come from adding something to something else. Whether that be, knowledge; whether that be muscle or simply air in a balloon.

How do you add something? How do you grow? You soak in the sun and you just do it.

Add pressure.

What didn’t go well?

When things get tight, there is this mixed bag of feelings. On one hand, it sucks. But at the same time, I’m always reminded of 2 quotes

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

This too shall pass

[ James mentioned that one too ]

Is this one of those times? I don’t know. I do know it’s a challenge.

Is this really not going well? Maybe not. Only the outcome will tell.

What can I do better

Trust/Faith

[ Oh the debate on which word to use…I say faith. ]

I think it’s all come down to a period of time, when I should “Just do it”. And in the end, have faith that it will work out.

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And Done.

And thanks again James!

_{What happened between Jan 2 – Feb 8}

What went well?

Still in a quasi-hiatus [ borderline what’s going well / not going well ]

I’m doing less, and catching up on TV. A little hibernation, so to speak. I’m enjoying the break. Taking more time for me, all that good touchy feely stuff.

But I’m at the tail end and starting to wonder, is this enjoying a break, creative rejuvenation or just flat out denial?

@nkempinski: If you ever find yourself exhausted for no apparent reason, you could be creatively spent. Take a nap, or 5.

@solutious: @nkempinski You’re totally right dude. Creativity should come with a warning about it’s soul-draining properties!

What didn’t go well?

Pressure Building

This is why I’m starting to question my hiatus. Because in my peripheral vision, I’m seeing these things pile up. And soon, if not handled will just explode.

An Example:
I’m supposed to find myself an internship by April 20. But got a few “no”’s. So did I let them roll off my back, and keep going? Hell no. Instead I haven’t called a single person.

All the while, “tick-tock-tick”

I’m waiting for the steam whistle.

Passion vs J-O-B

To start the week, I had a great [ that’s sarcasm ] conversation about money. It’s the bestest conversation for starving students to have [ drip more sarcasm ].

And so it came to the classic renaissance debate. Do I follow my passions [ All of them ] and trust that it will work out. Or, do I turn to a classic J-O-B?

[ But yes, I know I need $$ ]

I’m still torn, but in the meantime, the resume has been mailed out a couple of times.

What can I do better?

Relieve Some Steam

I have no clue how to do this. No suggestions, recommendations, no insights or quirky phrases. I’m at a loss.

[ Blink, Blink, Blink ]

And yet, I need to relieve some of the pressure building in the peripheral somehow. [ Or am I already? ]

Blog More

[ More peripheral pressure ] I know that this imperative. That when I look at the list of things I need to do, things I should do, things, I have to do. This is at the bottom.

And yet, it gnaws.

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I’m chipper aren’t I? [ even more sarcasm ]

And done.

It’s a quickie. This was a quasi-forced-hiatus week. I’m sure there of loads of things I should have done; I’m sure there are loads of things I could say in my check in. But instead I decided it was a needed break. So short sweet and to the point.

Sunday Check-In #5: A Big Breath

_{What happened between Jan 26 – Feb 1}

What went well?

Breathing

This week was much more relaxing then last [ funny that I can say relaxing ]. I was able to get a bunch of work done, I was able to check up on how everyone was doing. And all in all, relaxed about it.

I could “breath”.

I even had a bit of a weekend. [ weird, I know ]

What didn’t go well?

A Bunch of “no”’s

In our program it’s Intern time. And so it’s time to hit the pavement and start making calls. “Hi my name is Nick, are you interested in an intern. Did I mention it was free?”

And soon I got my first two “No”’s. They were logical, and nothing personal. [ very well worded ] More like procedural problems, but “no” non the less.

I’m not crushed, I’ve been said “no” too before. But it still takes a second to shake it off and keep moving on.

What can I do better?

Are there weeks where you couldn’t do anything better? Are there weeks that I wonder “does it really matter?”.

The Low grade

Turns out I got my first very low grade. 50%.

But you know why I got it?

Because of priorities and exhaustion.

On one hand, is it something I could have done better? I’m sure I could have.

On the other, would it be worth the self torture to push myself that much further? No.

I think there are loads of times in life, that we hear that little crack in our brains. When we feel the break. But how many listen and stop to heal?

My first instinct was to not stop, to chug through, pull an all nighter, try and drip every bit of energy from my body to get it done. And then I realized, that If I had, where would the energy come from for the next week, or the week after that?

So, I could have done better on the grade. But in terms of protecting my own sanity and creativity. I think I made the best choice.

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And Done